ye7 My Male Partner Cheated on Me With My Gay Best Friend. Now What?
I recently discovered that my (male) partner, with whom I expected to be in a long-term relationship and have childrenye7, had a sexual rendezvous with my best friend, who is a gay man. My partner and I are in a monogamous relationship, so his cheating and betrayal were deeply saddening to me. But this was his first sexual experience with a man, so I can’t tell how much repression may have been involved or if I should be part of working that out. My partner and I have had a great relationship and amazing sexual chemistry that was new to me as a bisexual woman. I want to be compassionate to everyone involved and keep my dear friend and my kindhearted partner in my life. How should I approach this issue?
GIRLFRIEND
I respect your impulse for compassion. Expressing same-sex desire can be complicated for some people. Still, setting aside all the sexual labels you have provided and acknowledging the repression your partner may feel about his sexuality: He cheated on you with your best friend while you were in a monogamous relationship. Is that not a bridge too far? And his choice of sexual partner alone almost makes it seem as if he wanted you to catch him.
For now, stop worrying about your “kindhearted partner” and your “dear friend,” and start thinking of yourself. Before you can consider next steps with these men, you should explore more fully — and preferably with a therapist — what their betrayal means to you and why you seem so willing to forgive their bad behavior.
You may also benefit from reading “Tell Me Everything,” an incisive new novel by Elizabeth Strout in which she describes one of her central characters as a “sin eater” — a man who takes on the wrongdoings of others as if they were his own — while exploring the heavy price that such people pay for what they think of as kindness. It is not your job to fix other people or to make their lapses OK.
ImageCredit...Miguel PorlanModel ParentsMy 11-year-old daughter is a sculptor. That may seem like a strange hobby for a child, but she is very, very good. She is especially interested in anatomy, so we enrolled her in an art class with live models. Recently, though, the classes became too expensive for our budget, so my wife and I take turns modeling for her. And I tend to model more often than my wife. The problem: My daughter wants to explore our full anatomy, but I am deeply uncomfortable at the idea of modeling nude for her. Still, I don’t want to deprive her of any opportunity her wealthier peers will have. What should I do?
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